With our special-order Sun Prairie Grass-Fed Beef, we prepared two delicious pot roasts, using two different recipes, and homemade pumpkin pie with the last of our garden pumpkin for our Christmas Eve meal. Everyone ate it up, even picky little Riona! We then opened our presents and watched as the girls squealed over every little item. The best was when Mythili and Isabella opened their iPod with an amazed expression and Isabella said, “I’ve wanted an iPod my whole life!” which is probably, sadly, true.

The next morning, Santa brought Isabella a Barbie scooter, Mythili yet another Barbie set with formal wear for Ken and Barbie, and Riona a new train set to add on to the one we already have that she cherishes so much. The girls just LOVED their Santa presents–he somehow knew exactly what to get them! Truly magical!

We went to Grandma and Grandpa’s house for dinner, the best Christmas dinner ever–prime rib that Dad gets for free every year from his job. As usual, it was mouthwatering, and just writing about it now makes me already look forward to next year.

By the weekend, everyone was gone, and I felt like I was running a bed and breakfast, washing a million sheets–again–and cleaning up holiday remnants. After a couple of days of recovery, we celebrated Dad’s birthday with snowshoeing and cross country skiing in the mountains, then came back into town to celebrate New Year’s Eve with the Mentzers. We partied hard to bring in the new year, and the kids, as usual, had a total blast.

And here we are, MLK day, year two of us participating in the Denver Marade. I’ll say it again–I loved it last year and I loved it again. It makes this day so much more meaningful. But if you’d like to read more about what the Marade is like, check out my new writing blog: Step Write Up.

So, that is what I’ve been busy doing, in addition to working full time, running the Girl Scout troop, selling cookies, and spending quality time with three little girls every day… life is good.

Instead, they become thrilled with each unwrapped present. Mythili squeals with delight when she sees that Nanny sent her her favorite toy, a new set of Polly Pockets. Isabella proudly hands out presents to everyone because she “can read now, Mama!” Riona is amazed each time she discovers that more than one present is under the tree. And while the adults are busy enjoying their after-dinner wine and cleaning the kitchen, the kids relish the freedom of indirect supervision. I allow them to watch the movies they got this year–Tinker Bell, Wall-E, Garfield–and they basque in my TV-leniency. They are all thrilled to receive new games that of course they want me to play with them–a household scavenger hunt from Aunt Willow, a LeapPad card game from Nanny. They proudly adorn themselves with the new outfits and hair things from Grandma and Aunt Elizabeth. They get to stay up late, sleep in, and have a real vacation.

Our Christmas this year has been a bit crazy. While Elizabeth and Zak planned on coming around the 20th, Zak ironically had the same hernia surgery as Bruce, on the same day! So they had to delay their trip by a week. Meanwhile, Great Grandma was in town, and since Grandma and Grandpa were working, Bruce and I went up to Lafayette for a few days to take care of her during the day. Well, let me rephrase that. Bruce was still in a lot of pain and can’t lift anything over 10 pounds for 6 weeks, so it was more like me taking care of 4.5 kids (Great-Grandma counts as a full child, Bruce, in his complacent way, just as half ). I definitely have learned to appreciate everything that Bruce does for me, our kids, and our house!! After driving back and forth and carrying multiple gifts and luggage in and out, vacuuming two houses, and taking care of a gaggle of kids on my own, I’m missing my old Bruce. Only 4.5 weeks to go!

On Christmas Eve, we picked up Grandma from work, where she treated us all to lunch at LePeep. We walked around downtown for a while and then headed to our house, where Grandpa joined us, and we fixed homemade pizza. Then we opened our gifts from Mama and Daddy and Tennessee. The girls were exhausted by then and went to bed quietly, so when Santa came a short while later, they were sound asleep! Santa left a large easel for Isabella, a tabletop easel with dry erase and chalkboard for Mythili, and a rolling cart full of wood blocks for Riona. He also left some ornaments, cars, and hair things in the girls’ stockings. Then Grandpa, Grandma, and Great Grandma went home. Bruce and I barely woke up in time on Christmas morning to get the video camera ready to capture the girls’ reactions to their presents!

So Elizabeth and Zak finally arrived on Saturday, and we had a second Christmas/Dad’s birthday celebration in Lafayette on Sunday. No one was complaining! We all received some wonderful gifts, and just like the years we go to Tennessee, the girls got to have 2 Christmases! We spent the afternoon enjoying another round of the 20-pound prime rib that Grandpa got for a Christmas bonus, and then drove to see his office in Berthoud. Ironically, since this will likely be his last job, Berthoud is the town where he had one of his first jobs, and where my parents had their first house. Of course we drove by it as well, and the tree I cimbed when I was 3 was still in the front yard, as well as the wood stove my parents installed!

Yes, Christmas isn’t the same as it was when we were kids. We have to work, work, work in order to make it work for our kids and our family. But seeing the joy, the purely innocent joy, that fills my daughters’ faces as they anticipate and participate in this holiday, makes it all worthwhile. I gather their happiness bit by bit, happy that, now that it’s over, I have discovered my holiday mood. It lies within each of their smiles, giggles, and cheerful squeals. And it’s worth every bit of work.

Now I only catch glimpses of this. I try so hard. Too hard, maybe. Not that I expect the holiday season to be perfect. I don’t–I’m way too jaded for that. But I try to make it as stress-free and seamless as possible. I pride myself on having all cards sent and gifts bought and wrapped by December first, because the next few weekends in December are for baking, parties, and school events.

I choose my gifts carefully. I listen to what the kids want and I try to get them for them. This year, Bruce made homemade candy and we both worked our butts off baking about 20 loaves of pumpkin bread. I handed pretty packages of bread and candy out to every single person in the office at school and all the teams that my students are on, as well as Isabella’s and Mythili’s teachers.

We even made an advent calendar out of felt. We worked hours on this the weekend of Thanksgiving, hot gluing numbers, cutting out ornaments to fit in the pockets, one for each day to put on the tree. The girls have even been well-behaved enough to keep the candy canes inside until after dinner each night.

Isabella and I went caroling with several Girl Scout troops. I thought that would do it–cure me of my holiday blues. I remember doing this as a child in my little town in upstate New York. Everyone came to the door and clapped, praised us. But as we walked from house to house last Friday, people who had their houses decked out with more lights than I could ever imagine hanging actually turned us down. Some people wouldn’t even come to the door. I guess they didn’t want to take 1 minute away from their televisions to listen to 50 little girls sing to them. It just about broke me. But I wouldn’t give up.

We went to Mindi’s annual cookie party, and as usual, it was a hit. Great food, great music, perfect timing for a party (4p—???). The girls and I prepared all day, baking chocolate chip, chocolate revel bars, and their favorites, gingerbread cutouts. I swore it wouldn’t take all day, but it did. Chilling the dough. Mixing the frosting and then dividing it into different bowls for various colors. Setting up baggies with cake decorating portals (whatever they’re called) and allowing them to make their messes. They loved it. They said they wanted to do it every year. But I was a bit tired and overwhelmed. So much cleanup and work for mediocre cookies.

Isabella had her party at school today. Wild 5- and 6-year-olds running around everywhere. Cookies to decorate. Crafts to glue. Goody bags to sift through, candy canes to crunch. Her eyes filled with joy, but the parents’ job? Cleanup. I must have scrubbed those little tables 20 times before the first layer of scum came off onto the miniature sponges the teacher gave me. And she received 3 goody bags filled with useless items such as tissue-paper-thin miniature notebooks, chocolate Santas, erasers that don’t erase, and cheap pencils.

Is this supposed to put me in a holiday mood? I want to collect her joy, to take the twinkles out of Mythili’s eyes as she proudly holds up the candy cane she received from Santa (who visited her preschool), to gather the grin from Riona’s face as she tells me she wants a Christmas tree for Christmas… but I still have the reality of life hovering over me, the bills, the worry about overindulging my kids, the knowledge that everything comes with a price, whether it be in dollars or work.

Six days till Christmas. I’m going to make it. I’m going to remember my excitement from childhood Christmas mornings, waking so early that the stars still stung the sky with their winter brilliance. I’m going to look outside at the snow that has finally begun to trickle down and sing my Bing Crosby melody. I’m going to squeeze, squeeze, squeeze their tiny, thrilled bodies until their naivete seeps through their skin and into my heart. And I’m going to find my holiday mood.